Fuck You All

When you stagger between two guys, one that you just can't get over no matter how much he looks past you or if he talks to all the other girls including your friends, and the other, who has always been nice and funny to you. Gives you signs and then just ignores you or doesn't respond to you.

It's really hard to think straight and follow your goals when your heart keeps alternating between two real ass-holes.

And it's even harder when your friends don't talk to you and have more contact to those guys than you do. It makes you feel completely unimportant and failed.

It is incredible how lonely you can feel when there are so many people around you. And how quickly your mood can change to absolute unhappiness after you come home relaxed and joyful.

Maybe I should just forget about people all together and concentrate on myself for once. No matter how lonely it might get.

I hate having the feeling that I'm left out of something, that I would love to be part of.

Dreams

In my dreams we are together every night. I love having you by my side. I'm stroking your hand, you're kissing my cheek. Your smile gives me the feeling of warm and cold air gashing over my skin. No matter how often I tell myself, that I am over you, or that I hate you, I never really do. 

You have no idea how much it hurts to see you, when you are around the other girls. I know I don't listen to all your music. I'm not as smart or as gorgeous. I haven't done all those things. I'm an uninteresting, shy, and wierd girl, who dresses in colourful things that don't always fit and aren't branded. I don't have a perfect figure or face. And I don't talk like the girls you like.

Over all these years I have tried to change for you. I listened to you, I learned about the things you like. I tried to be more like the others. But I can't because that isn't me. 

And yet how is it that, everytime I want to say something, you say it first. I can see us walking down a street together, holding hands. I feel like we would be great.

Is it wierd that all my friends, who talk to you more then I ever have, would never be together with you, because you are too depressing, or too much of a jerk?.. To me that never changed anything, maybe cause you are not mean to me any more, or maybe because I just don't feel it.

I hate that you don't even see me, when all I see is you.

Poetic moments

I liked you

But then you laughed at me.

Then I'd hate you.

We grew up

I liked you again.

We would talk a bit

But you would talk more with her.

You would make me laugh

And I would only cry.

Then in my mind

We talked about music

and love.

We talked about life

Then we didn't need to talk at all

Thats when I started to fall in love.