Dog hates
Me I hate me

It will be a good year -.-


—- posted on the go

do you know who you attract?

Well I am kinda getting closer to figuring out just what kind of guy I attract....and I came to the conclusion:

Awkward
(some shallow minded people could say "loser" even thought I believe that to be very harsh)
Sensitive
Romantic
Cheasy
Insecure
Shy

...so maybe you have noticed, but those are things that i am not all too unfamiliar with
In fact they are probably quite a bit like myself.
However I don't really want that.....even though I used to think that would be the kinda guy that I would like.....seems I was wrong.

And why? I am not quite sure. Maybe because that isn't who I am as a whole, yes it is part of me. Yes it is a BIG part of me. But that other a-bit-less-than-a-half bit of me is:

Perfectionist
Independent
Hard to get
Creative
Entertaining
Crazy

So who ever thinks they can handle that.......hi my name is Rebecca!

FATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFAT

So I have a constant weight and look problem, and that is probably the reason why nothing goes the way it should, because I hate myself and that can't mean anything good can it?
Right now I realized that I failed once again.
Not only did I not stick to my work out/diet plan, no -I also gained weight, even more weight.
I just looked at the resent pictures of me at the beach and I burst out into tears, then I compared them to my sommer photos from a year ago, and it was even worse!!
WHY THE FUCK DID NO ONE TELL ME????
WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME I LOOK GOOD????

Just to make me FEEL better? Make themselves feel better?

WHY??
And I was always hurt that my mom wasn't comforting me, but was actually saying I would look better with a couple of kilos less.
God that was such a mind blow...well maybe I needed it.
Still!! I haven't quite finished spassing!

I mean I should have realized, I don't fit into my pants anymore
I weigh more
I have been eating and eating
I stoped working out
I am lazy
I have a tummy

SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE
I HAVE TO  STOP WHAT EVER I AM DOING NOW AND START DOING THINGS RIGHT

Thoughts from the balcony

I want to be so much of everything, maybe thats why I'm nothing really...


—- posted on the go

Sweet sweat

So just returned from my 11th tennis session and for sure not my last....maybe I can slim up before school..

Who knows that would at least solve one of the many problems...
More soon

—- posted on the go

Lonely

Here I am, in what should be paradise: beautiful men, sunshine good food etc.

But each of these "great" things comes with a very negative side effects.

Take the good-looking Italiano, comes in female too. And by female I mean drop dead gorgeous, tanned slim... Well you know what I mean.
So me, next to that, is like a Victorias secret model next to a pale, sun burnt, Jabba the Hutt with scruffy hair.
And with my appearance we get the other two points:
Sun burns
And most importantly the freaking food!!!
Now that really doesn't make me feel much thinner.
So I guess it's all just the same old.

Additionally to all that I am also incredibly sick and tired of missing out...again.
And I know everyone keeps telling me that i'm not, but everyday I feel more lonely.

4 more days and I'm back in the hood :)