My fears have come true. You treated me like your toy and I fell for it. As I always do, you look and smile and touch and there I go thinking I am some how special or better than her. But of course I'm not. I'm just a 2nd choice, I get her seconds. Only untill she takes them back. You are like a loan for whom I pay with my heart.
It's so unfair, and at the end of the day it is all my doing. Why can't I just go out and meet other guys, who actually try to win me and who want me and not some prettier and skinnier girl?
Why am I so goddamn proud and yet so so shy, that it is impossible for me to just go for it, look at a guy, make eye contact and talk to him?
I really just want someone I like to like me back just once!!
Someone who won't bring my hopes up the one day and then crush them the next.
I want someone to cry over me as much as I cry over them, to admire me and get me amazing presents that tell everyone "I love this girl"
I know it's selfish and I know it's unrealistic but I don't care!!!
I want someone NOW!!
But wait, why am I hating on myself? After all it is you who is messing with my heart. It's becoming more and more obvious the more often you do it. You always come to me when thengs aren't going so well with her. Looking for a little affection since she is giving you so little. But never the less she has you under her spell, she merely has to whistle and you come running towards her. It is pafetic and makes you a real ass for playing with me like that.
But here I am the idiot in the spot light. The realisation hit me today, how could I even believe you and your body language?? I did know after we kissed that first time that you still liked her!! I knew, and now again.
You know what, I deserve someone much better than you!! Someone who likes everything about, who I can understand and who understands me. I deserve love.
thank you for helping me realize that now.
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