Get your act together. (Right now)

It feels like there is a cloud forming above my head. Not one filled with gaseous H2O but a cloud of worry. Of problems. And when ever something negative happens to me I feel like this bubble above my head triples in size all at once. And one day it will come crashing down in a pool of tears and misery, that feels like you can't handle it anymore, but you still need to get up the next day. (Out of experience I am going to assume this will be on a first-day-of-period day.) 

Well guess what, today kinda feels like I am paying this cloud to suffocate me. I mean I have all this research all this work, all these movies and he wants me to talk about only one.... Kathryn Bigelow.. which means no Sally Potter (for which I ordered 3 movies) great my dad will love another amazon order. not -.- 

Okay to be honest that isn't so bad. Maybe/Probably I am just pissed about the stupid audition.

I mean I stand on that fucking stage and all that I can do is mess up the song that I spent 3 day practising. JUST before it started I got the song right!

I mean I start the song at the wrong place, then I can't even get the words right at that point. AND then I get all the tunes wrong. I just hope that me shouting the refrain saved something, even if it sounded like shit.

Not to forget my lines! My voice was all squeaky.

And I was so nervous. I wasn't even this bad when I was talking in front of the whole school.

I mean why!?

I sung before, in front of lots of people. And i can act and say lines I can. I have no idea what was happening. I wasn't myself.

I just wish I could have gone first. or before Nadia at least. I mean okay and this is a bit of a bitchy rant, but my blog and I do what I want. She goes on stage and starts saying the lines with so much confidence, in her bitchy tone that basically tells everyone I am so brilliant and look how great I am on stage. And then she sings a song that no one else did, I could have done any song, but of course I was too pussy too boring too normal. as always I don't stand, except when I fuck up.

It feels like everything I can do she can do better.

ugh I hate myself right now.

Just a quick rant

I know I have enough of them to lose one or two but it still fucking hurst!!!

JANE BY DESIGN GOT CANCELLED!!
This says it all:
http://originalmisslawrence.tumblr.com/post/29639722397/jane-by-design-got-cancelled
And if it didn't:

Call me melodramatic, but I needed this!!

Envy

Some say it's green, others just see red,

Some hide it with a smile, others don't even try,

As it grows in chest and hands turn to fists,

You try to decide exactly what it is,

As it slithers up your throat and you fight to keep it in,

Somehow all that you have seems trashy and cheap,

Why is it so hard to just be strong, 

To not mind or give an understanding smile.

Not to think, that should be me!

To be happy with yourself and let others see.

Who knows maybe then it will hit her

And your life is the one that she would prefer.