thoughts from....half a month later.

Life. Right now it just feels like a really heavy weight on my back.
Weight.... sounds familiar on here?

I wonder why..
Well about that so I did go running for a week now and that went good, yeah it actually did.
Howevr I didn't go today, because there is absolutely no energy in this body. I am a lost soul with in a worn out shell, that is basically just carrying itself from one point to the next.

okay now anyone who knows me....which I just assume includes everyone who know this site and therefore reads this, knows that what I just said isn't entirely true.
I am sure that to a lot of people I seem like my usual happy, bouncy self.

But, and yes there always is a but, that moment when you are alone. Those dreadful 2 seconds where everything that is on your mind, the good, the bad, the ugly, that are usually held back by a firm wall, crashes down on you as a huge wave of misery.

And you just sit there, surrounded by people, knowing that a public display of the emotions that are just raging inside of you is impossible, and usually I look for a distraction to keep my face busy from bursting into tears.

If I am honest that is exactly what I feel like right now.

 I just want to drop dead.

Ripoff my tired face, which is pale and dry.
Get my life organized.
Start to understand the language that my heart speaks.

I am not sure how much longer my body will have the energy to even bother putting up a facade.

hard work

I wish someone would have warned me that I could be so stupid. And that right from the start.
I could have skipped all this bullshit, things would have been so much calmer, I could have concentrated on school, finally decide who of the TWO i like.


But no. Obviously, being me, i couldn't I had to bring a third person into all my troubles.

Now that I thought that things were finally over, and that yes okay it would be sad that we wouldn't talk anymore, he has to call me and make me repeat everything again??

Apperently I wasn't "clear" enough the first time round.
And he thought that I was unsure and could still like him.
yeah right.


So basically I had to explain it again, which means now it is back in head and now i have to deal with it again.....fml.


But i really hope that he gets it now, and I think he does. No idea if this friends thing is ever going to work. but we will find out on tuesday.

The quick moods

I find out that there is a play with David Tennant and Catherine Tate happening in London at exactly this moment, and not just any play but Much Ado About Nothing, one of my FAVOURITES!!!!

 And not just that but I am going there in January!!

So obviously I am like: SHOT-GUN!

 But then I realize that my dad told me we couldn't watch a Shakespeare because my brothers wouldn't get it -.-

Then I decide that I HAVE to go see it! so I will pull of this:

   

And Go on my own!!

(proud of plan)

Then I start google-ing all the great reviews! And find that people got autographs!!

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.....But then I read the date...

and it says that the show is only on till SEPTEMBER 2011!!!!!

eating chocolate

before:

After:

WHY DID I JUST DO THAT?!?!?!?

pirates, cameras and medicine

future. who doesn't think of it? Personally I think of it all the time.
My friends know that I have no idea right now i am even starting to lose interest in film. but that is probably due to the fact that wor is boring me to death. Not even a tarantino look-a-like can amuse me. How ever the long wave of black hair, which the cinematographer throws over his shoulder so elegantly, did manage to put a smile on my face. And together with the gossiping make up artists, who are making fun of a model, who has the figure and looks of aylin (so stick like), I can say that today has ended up being a little more successful (entertainment). 

However I still have nothing to do, which is the reason I am sitting next to the food (cruel, when you are trying to eat less), and typing this on my midget moblie keyboard. 

Back to my original point, I can't stop thinking about my future. Probaby because now that I have stepped into the business world, my family thinks this is the perfect oportunity to influence me with "advice", aka brainwash me into their opinion. my grandmother is trying to get me back to medicine with all measures.
My dad just gave me along talk in the car that I could do pharmacy, which I'll be honest with you, doesn't sound too bad. However I know that the reason he said that was because I he wants to make my grandma happy.

So pharmacy:
pros
1. money
2. safe (people come to you)
3. research
4. it would work with my chemistry high level
5. my idea is to mix western pharmacy with exotic drugs.
6. there are lots of different areas of experties.


contra

well am I that interested in this science? I mean look at my last chem test! that didn't go as expected.
Is it going to be too much of a rutine?
(to that my dad said if i want something exciting I should do medicine -.-)
well and just generaly I don't want to do anything boring.

So yeah I guess I will go back to the pirate with the camera and watch some pretty people act like it is christmas in August.