I could tackle a lot of subjects that are going through my mind right now, maybe I'll just do them all.
I have been thinking again and again about losing, no scraping off that weight. It isn't just physical. I think.
After all, it was my brain that got me here. Or better my heart. There was a reason I just fucked it, cast aside the hard work of a summer. I worked out EVERY DAY for at least an hour. And looking back, you could see the results, as you can see the current ones.
So why can't I just go back to that state of mind? Where I would still fight my way through, I had the time or made some for it.
And now, what is wrong with me now? Apart from the fact that I am two years older. Not the almost sixteen year old, but practically 18. Then again, with age grows the amount of shit you carry around with you (or stuff into your mouth). The meaningless moments of passion and lust that are far away from the sappy high school romances that you had dreamt of (and still do sometimes). That one guy that seems to have nailed himself to your heart. Which would explain all the pain and sorrow that he is causing you to this day. The people around you, your family who, like your bedroom mirror, tells you everyday that you "aren't fat" but have "changed". And finally that future, the one thing that will always be by your side until death does you part.
I want to know what to do, I want to have the energy and dedication to finish, instead of running in circles, going no where.
Maybe I need to start making a list. One single list. An enumeration of tasks.
A plan to happiness.
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