Did you know it was christmas?

Having your birthday around christmas has it's ups and downs. On the one side you get loads of presents once a year, and yes the down is that it is only once. The other 363 days are...well present less. Then again I don't really care so much about what I get. Usually I wish for one large thing, lately always technology related, and then I get a couple of other things as well, like I don't know, books or DVDs. This year I will probably not get that much, since I asked for a macbook and other things for it, also I just went to New York and obviously shopped my ass off ;)

I am not being unsatisfied or greedy, but I feel that even though now I say I don't care or I am happy with what I have (which I really am, I don't NEED anything) but I remember those past Christmases, runing down the stairs, seeing the tree and all the packages. Opening them, sharing the presents. "look what I got!!", "Wow just what I wanted", exchanging thanks and love. And then later giving my parents presents, and seeing their joy.
I just like presents, no matter their size or price. I love giving them, running around the city, seeing things where you know you will make someone happy with it.

So yeah even though it is the jolly season I am not as excited as I used to be, maybe because there are no surprises left, no magical mystery. 

Anyways I thought that since so many people have been putting up lists of things they want why not:

Any movie on DVD or Blu-ray (preferable unknown or old ones)
Mixed CDs
Photos and picture frames or albums
geeky anything ( t-shirt, poster accessories etc.)
charms (as in for a bracelet)
awesome sunglasses (I can NEVER have enough)
or anything nice =)

At the end of the day I don't care if I get something, sometimes just a nice personal card is all it requires to make me feel like someone is thinking of me.

FATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFAT

So I have a constant weight and look problem, and that is probably the reason why nothing goes the way it should, because I hate myself and that can't mean anything good can it?
Right now I realized that I failed once again.
Not only did I not stick to my work out/diet plan, no -I also gained weight, even more weight.
I just looked at the resent pictures of me at the beach and I burst out into tears, then I compared them to my sommer photos from a year ago, and it was even worse!!
WHY THE FUCK DID NO ONE TELL ME????
WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME I LOOK GOOD????

Just to make me FEEL better? Make themselves feel better?

WHY??
And I was always hurt that my mom wasn't comforting me, but was actually saying I would look better with a couple of kilos less.
God that was such a mind blow...well maybe I needed it.
Still!! I haven't quite finished spassing!

I mean I should have realized, I don't fit into my pants anymore
I weigh more
I have been eating and eating
I stoped working out
I am lazy
I have a tummy

SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE
I HAVE TO  STOP WHAT EVER I AM DOING NOW AND START DOING THINGS RIGHT

bodies

So I guess I look like this

But I feel like this

society says look like this

but not like this

So what to do?
this

this

 and obviously this

just so one day I can do this....

blah blah ..tennis.. blah blah... still horny

So I went on a tennis trip this week, four days in den Haag. It was a really amazing trip even though we lost everything :)
I did however play an excellent game today to end the tournament:
I was playing for 7 or 8 place ( I know fail) against a girl I already beat the day before.
However I played so badly! We play to 9 games, and I was behind 3 to 8.
I had already given up, but by some sort of miracle, I managed to pull myself together and I WON!! I still can't believe it!! I caught up 5 games!!! and tie brake!

But this is not the point I am trying to bring across here. I am still incurably horny! I really am, as soon as I feel that I am the slightest bit attracted to a guy I feel the need to jump him! However my flirting skills have improved a big deal, and oh god I had so much contact with Patrick, also I realized he is super short! But that doesn't matter because he is HOT!! And I should know, after my game today, he congratulated me, and I tried really hard to avoid his hug, but he held me anyway and my face was right on his arm... and OMFG!!

Yes well sorry small spas right there

So it was quite embarrassing, cause  I was dropping of sweat... you can imagine.

So yes small insight on my horniness, once again.